Review: Desert Pursuit & Blood Money. Chris Ryan.

Originally written: 23-24/11/19. Contains spoilers.

Found another Alpha Force book and decided to give it a read. I normally enjoy these books, but I think I’m starting to find less and less to say about them with each one I finish.

In Desert Pursuit, I liked the same things I always do; I like how the characters gel together and I like them all as individuals, and Ryan does a great job of putting the kids in scenarios that feel very real (for the most part) while managing to keep the books suitable for kids.

Review: The Romanovs. Simon Sebag Montefiore.

Originally written: 14/01/20.

It’s one of those books interspersed with sections of photos, and knowing ultimately how the book was going to end I dreaded coming to those final photos and finding photos of the final Romonovs’ resting places, or worse, put in to satisfy the morbid curiosity of certain readers. My relief was great when I did get to the end and realise that while there were many featured photos of Nicolas II’s family, all were tastefully chosen and depicting them during… happier times might be a stretch, but less grief-stricken ones, at least. (The final Tsar’s rule was a shitshow from start to end.)

I particularly love the way Montefiore book-ended the family’s history with Tsar Michael I and little Tsarevich Alexi; both ill and fragile, but while one of them would begin an empire, the other would witness its’ demise, in the most horrifying, brutal manner possible.

In 1998, on the eightieth anniversary of those disgusting murders out in the Urals, President Boris Yeltsin declared that the fates which befell the Romanov family all those years ago was one of the most egregious stains on the page of Russia’s history book, and indeed it felt that way. While I have been aware for some years now of the vague details on what happened to Nicholas II (referred to as Nicky here) and family, having to read about their deaths in step-by-step detail was absolutely stomach-churning.

This is despite all of the things about them personally that I also found repulsive, their anti-Semitism, for one. To meet such an end, especially for the children, hardly bears thinking about.

But, I digress.

The book is a heavy one, both literally and figuratively. (I found it easiest to read when propped up against something so that my wrists didn’t need to bear its weight.) With so many Tsars and Tsarinas covered, I honestly don’t know quite where to begin. The history is so thorough that my mind boggles just trying to get my thoughts in order. I will say that if you aren’t generally a fan of non-fiction, this may over face you, though if you’re shopping around in the market for a book to read that will tide you over until GRRM decides to release The Winds Of Winter, there’s no better a book to go for than this.

Some of the stuff I read about in this book is real shit. Westeros only wishes. (But I honestly could have lived my entire life without knowing about Rasputin’s penis size.) As if we needed the confirmation that royals in centuries prior were hedonistic sex maniacs, The Romanovs removes all doubt. (As it does any credibility that the modern era is hyper-sexualised in comparison. These guys liked to party.)

Divided into three Acts; The Rise, The Apogee, The Decline, despite the great scope of the book and it’s endless cast of “characters”, the three hundred year tale of the Romonov family I found surprisingly easy to follow along with. Most of the time I knew who everyone being talked about was, even with repeating names, and the aforementioned three act structure is a big help.

Overall, this book is going on my shelf permanently. History has always been one of my favourite hobbies, and I’m quite excited to see that my personal library has an expanding collection (though I will be forever mad that the book on Marie Antoinette I hesitated on at a charity shop had sold by the time I went back for it).

Review: The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, A Trilogy In Four Parts. Douglas Adams.

Originally written: 20/12/19. Contains spoilers (ensure that you bring a towel for your own personal safety).

“For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.”

Well, I finally got to this book! It’s been on my TBR shelf for months now, but I’ve just spent the last week reading through my nice omnibus copy. (I don’t plan on checking out the other two books, but if you’ve read them and think I’m making a massive mistake, let me know!)

Now that I’m at the end of my Hitchhiking journey, I feel safe in ranking the books thusly:

1. The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe (2)
2. The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy (1)
3. Life, The Universe & Everything (3)
4. So Long, & Thanks For All The Fish (4)

In fact, Restaurant might be one of my favourite books now, full stop. I had a great time with the whole trilogy (I’ll get to So Long), but especially with the second. Should you read these books yourself, you may find yourself saying “poor Marvin!” every other line or so. This is normal. Do not panic. But Marvin definitely has the worst time of it in Restaurant, so you can feel sad for him if you want to (not that he would appreciate it).

“The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”

This is the opening line to the second book and is often shopped around as the ultimate selling point of, if not just this book, the entire series. I have to say I disagree; there are so many brilliant lines in the second book that I think are better than the one above that I can’t even begin to decide on one to post. I’ll give it a go anyway…

“He paused just long enough to make them feel they ought to say something, then interrupted”.

Or perhaps, “How are you?”
“Fine if you like being me, which personally, I don’t”.

How painfully relatable of you, Mr Adams!

The true ruler of the universe is a genius character, and is only one of many examples in these books of Adams being a wonderful interpreter of the absurdities of the world around us.

My weirdest take away from these books, apart from the discovery that the best variety of found family is “university roommates who never really connect but always end up back together”, is that I kind of ship Arthur and Ford now. I didn’t expect this result, but hey ho. Their characters gel in a weird way, and I guess I’m there for it.

While the first three books were each brilliant in their own ways though, I felt that So Long fell completely flat, which was saddening. I just didn’t care for Arthur’s love interest, Fenchurch, at all, and I missed the original squad aboard the Heart Of Gold too much to care about Arthur going back to Earth. I think it could have been done in a way that gelled with me, and yes, there were aspects to the book that I liked, but unfortunately I glazed over a lot of So Long.

Still.

Zaphod Beeblebrox is an icon, I adored Marvin, Trillian was certainly there, and despite the short amount of time spent aboard the Heart Of Gold, I feel an affinity for the ship, and am oddly attached to it. It’s also plain to see Adams’ influence on Doctor Who now; the Tenth Doctor is Ford Prefect, with added love interests and a bit too much self-righteousness at times. (If I’m not mistaken, Adams actually did write for the show, so I guess that influence runs even deeper.)

Ford is now one of my favourite characters in all of fiction. But that Zaphod… What a guy.

Now, if you will all excuse me, I’m off to spend a year being dead for tax reasons.

Review: Good Omens. Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman.

Originally written: 25/09/19. Contains spoilers.

The first thing I’ll say is that I loved the way humanity was presented here. Often in works of fiction featuring a race “higher” than humans, the writers can’t resist wanking themselves off to the idea that really, people are all idiots and terrible (except for them, of course). It got boring fast, and it’s a trope I neither understand nor like.

That’s something I found so refreshing in Good Omens. I think Pratchett and Gaiman’s way of portraying humans was great; some of them do bad stuff and some of them do good stuff, but the same can be said of Heaven and Hell, despite them being higher powers.

Review: Burn For Burn. Jenny Han & Siobhan Vivian.

Originally written: 19/09/19. Contains spoilers and mentions of suicide.

I have no idea what to say. What was that ending? The whole book reads like your typical teen revenge flick, then one of the characters reveals that she once tried to commit suicide because of this Reeve boy? What?

I did enjoy reading this book. I did. Jenny Han is one of the only YA authors whose work I enjoy as a grown up, but the ending of Burn For Burn just tripped me up completely.  Ending on a cliffhanger can work, but this didn’t feel at all earned. It came out of nowhere. About two thirds of the way through, I started thinking “shouldn’t the plot be reaching some sort of climax now?” Then I got to the final chapters; the Homecoming. I mean.

It got me. Whatever I had expected, it wasn’t that.

Review: Six Four. Hideo Yokoyama.

Originally written: 15/09/19. Contains spoilers.

In all honesty, I’m not really sure what to say. It took me less than a week to read – started on Monday, finished early Sunday morning – and for six hundred or so pages, that’s not bad. My biggest take away was the book’s sheer human element. I confess that I don’t read that many crime novels, but I can’t recall having read one before wherein the characters all felt so… real.

They all felt like everyday people, just going about their lives and doing their jobs. I loved this book for that alone, never mind everything else.

Review: A Dance With Dragons: After The Feast. George RR Martin.

Originally written: 06/12/19. Contains spoilers.

Finished this on target whilst also balancing writing Darker Origins and my December prompt one-shots, so feeling very pleased with myself.

What can I say? I loved it. Another four stars, easily, and now I too settle in to bear the long wait for The Winds Of Winter. (Is it on the horizon, or are fans just looking too deeply into Martin’s website?)

Review: Skulduggery Pleasant: Midnight. Derek Landy.

Originally written: 22/11/19. Contains spoilers.

This one was better than Resurrection, definitely. This is possibly in part due to less pages spent with US President “Martin Flanery”. Honestly, these are Derek’s books and if he wants to use them to protest Trump that’s totally fair play, but isn’t there anywhere we can escape him now?

Review: Skulduggery Pleasant: Resurrection. Derek Landy.

Originally written: 21/11/19. Contains spoilers.

Finally reading this series’ part two! I plan to dive right into Midnight afterwards. I wasn’t sure what to expect going in, when the previous series had been wrapped up so nicely and when so many of the characters I had loved from it were dead – I kept waiting for Ghastly to reappear despite knowing full well that he wouldn’t.

I was glad to see China though, and Fletcher. Tanith is alive, just not featured, and the same goes for Valkyrie’s family, though I can’t say this was a disappointment. I’m sure that it’s just me, but I never really cared for the Edgley family outside of brief, early installment moments. I also don’t really care about little sister Alice yet. She’s on the front cover of Midnight, I know, so I hope Landy does a good job with her.

Ode To A Winter Morning.

A love letter to my favourite season.

Frost subdues the land each night as I sleep at the moment. It’s there every morning when I rise, glinting in a way that makes it seem as if winter is trying to tempt me to stay inside rather than to venture out. So far it hasn’t worked – not when I have an eager, thirteen year old puppy who is ready for adventure – but as winter grips England in its steadily firmer hands I wonder if snow will be along soon, to hammer home its point; stay inside!

The chill gets harder to ignore with each passing day but I make sure to wrap up warmly enough against it, and little Jess comes pre-installed with a thick fur coat to defend against the weather. She doesn’t notice winter’s encroaching fingers, or if she does, she doesn’t mind it, and remains perfectly bushy-tailed (even as a woman in an enormous Range Rover, which is far too heavy duty for the mild-weathered suburb we live in, pulls up right next to us and her pluming exhaust fumes almost induce in me a choking fit).

Clouds passing continuously overhead glow with a distinct iciness, and as Jess and I continue our walk (now infinitely more appreciative of the sharp, fresh air), my imagination wrests control of my mind and I envision snowy kingdoms way above, with palaces and cottages, and lamps that glow cold…

Before a car horn across the street blares out, bringing me squarely back down to Earth.

The air is sharp and seems to invigorate, though oddly this leads me to thoughts of summer, and more specifically a pair of parrot-printed jeans I recently thrifted, and how excited I am to wear them once the right season rolls around. Right now, I am bundled up against the bite of winter, but I like it that way. Scarf, hat, gloves; the same I’ve worn for the last three winters in a row.

The trees have all turned to skeletons, which might mean they’re not as easy on the eyes as they are in full bloom during summer, but they’re still beautiful. Later, when the sun is setting, its golden rays beam in their dying throes against the spindles, refracting shards of light in all directions before the nighttime can claim its stake over the land again. Don’t you forget me, the sun seems to be saying. Remember, I’ll be shining on you again before long. The bare branches of winters’ trees make sure that I don’t; the majestic scene they help set out is burned into my brain.

There’s something to adore in each of the seasons, but winter’s enthralling sweep across the land will always be the one which grips my heart most dearly. The sun dips below the horizon, and safe inside, I light the fire.